I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
