i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
