FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
