Nicole vs. Life
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
