i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
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