i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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