all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize