Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Congratulations! We have a period
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