Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
