Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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