Small penises have feelings too.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
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You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
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