i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
