i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Randomize
