The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
He passed out mid-signature
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
