So drunk its hurt
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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