I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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