why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize