I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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