Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
