I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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