i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
