you turned your livingroom into a bong?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...