you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?