every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
