omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
