All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize
