I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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