Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
