Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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