when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
