just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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