I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I woke up under a house in Key West
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
