matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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