i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I just sucked dick on a ferry
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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