Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
