Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize