I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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