I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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