its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Dicks are not precious.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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