it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
