Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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