I never want to see another naked old woman again.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
