On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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