Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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