i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
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