I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
