ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
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