Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up