My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special