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I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
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