Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice