Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
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Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
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By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own