k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.