You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Randomize
