I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
