I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize