no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
