a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize