So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
