So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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