Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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