Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
