I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
