this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
